1. Bring your own house.
2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and hospital.
3. If going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is the murder capital of Canada.
4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada.
5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug capital of Canada.
6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is $7.00/hour.
7. If you work downtown, parking costs $9.00/hour.
8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary, why not spend the money on a 15 year holiday.
9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We havethe highest gas prices in Canada. The Alberta Advantage.
10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come here sick.
11. In Calgary the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12years ago.Calgary is a no parking zone.
12. Remember Roy Rogers etc. beating the Indians? It is payback time. They own all the Casinos here.

We even have a hockey team that was so bad this year that they took out a full page ad in the paper apologizing.No tickets were refunded.